Pathlight : Dealing with Difficulties

Written by Annie Wenger-Nabigon Ph.D., RSW on 07 December 2016

Annie Wenger-Nabigon, Ph.D., R.S.W.

Here we are again, facing the final weeks of the year, welcoming the advent of cold weather and snow after enjoying an unusually kind summer for north of Lake Superior. While I enjoy the holiday spirit, the smells of baking pumpkin pies and Christmas cookies, I find it all a bit more difficult to embrace than in previous years. It has started me thinking about people who have never found this holiday season a welcome event but one that promises difficulties.

How can humans deal with difficult emotions when everything around seems to send the message of celebration? What if we don’t feel like celebrating? What if getting through just one more day in a hopeful manner is all we can set as a goal? What if Christmas baking and decorating and gift giving seems like an insurmountable wall?

I looked up a site called “Greater Good in Action” (http://ggia.berkeley.edu/) for some suggestions, and thought I’d pass them on to you. Maybe you, too, can benefit from some encouragement and know that you are not alone if you are one of many who find this season a “not-so-favorite” time.

“Greater Good in Action” has several suggestions for getting through emotionally difficult times. First of all, it is important to know you are not alone – unless you want to be. All people find themselves facing emotionally difficult times throughout life. I imagine that teething can be emotionally difficult for a baby, or learning to walk. Growing old can be difficult. Whatever your challenge, know that it is a human challenge and you are not alone.

Another important thing to know is that facing your fears is far better than denying them. Looking reality in the face, talking about it with others, and learning whatever you can about what it is you fear will help you to weather difficult emotions in the face of the unknown.

Practicing kindness for yourself is essential. Pay attention to what you feel and think without judgment, and be tolerant and accepting. Make choices when the time is right, don’t make excuses or deny what is real, but above all, be kind – to yourself and others. Focus on what is in the present moment, breathe, slow down, and relax. Know that things will change, and hope for the best.

When we face difficulties in our lives our brains go into automatic. We start repeating “stories” about what we are dealing with. It is sometimes called worrying, or ruminating, but what our brains are trying to do is help us identify a pattern so that our reality seems more predictable. One way to help ourselves is to change the story we are telling ourselves about what we are facing. We don’t have to increase the drama, but can tell a reassuring story to calm our brain.

Finally, in dealing with difficulties it is important to “let go and let it be better”. Some call it forgiveness. It is ok to take a break from our difficulties and have some “as if” moments – a day, or an hour, where we live “as if” the difficulty is no longer difficult. We can live into that moment and know that we are OK no matter what is happening. We can reach out to others who can remind us of that. And we can reach out to others who need to hear that, too.

Life is too short to spend spinning our wheels in misery. Let’s roll to some better moments! Let’s enjoy the season we are in as much as we can, and help our fellow travelers. Everyone is on the same journey, one way or another.

Annie Wenger-Nabigon, Ph.D., RSW
Pathlight@OntarioNewsNorth.com

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ANNIE RECOMMENDS:

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Author of Pathlight; Annie Wenger-Nabigon, Ph.D., RSW is originally from the U.S., earning her Canadian Citizenship in 2013. June 16, 2015, following more than 8yrs of studies, Annie was awarded her Doctor of Philosophy in Human Studies degree by Laurentian University. Annie lives in Biigtigong Nishnaabeg (formerly known as Pic River First Nation), the community where her late husband, Herb Nabigon, was a member.

Annie Wenger-Nabigon, MSW, RSW has been a clinical social worker since 1979 working in mental health, family therapy, and addictions services. She works full-time as an Adult Mental Health and Addictions Therapist at the Marathon office of North of Superior Counseling Programs. Annie provides training and education to professionals on a wide range of topics blending mainstream and traditional approaches in healing and provides cultural safety and anti-racism training.

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