Pathlight : C.H.O.I.C.E. of Love

Written by Annie Wenger-Nabigon Ph.D., RSW on 03 February 2014

Originally from the U.S., Annie earned her Canadian Citizenship in 2013. Annie & her Husband live in Pic River First Nation. Annie Wenger-Nabigon, MSW, RSW has been a cinical social worker since 1979 working in mental health, family therapy, and addictions services. She is a doctoral candidate at Laurentian University in Sudbury, ON. She works full-time as an Adult Mental Health and Addictions Therapist at the Marathon office of North of Superior Counseling Programs. Annie also works part-time as a consultant for LYNX, owned by her husband Herb Nabigon, MSW. Herb provides traditional Anishnabek teachings and healing workshops for both Native and non-Native organizations. Together he and Annie provide training and education to professionals on a wide range of topics blending mainstream and traditional approaches in healing. They also provide cultural safety and anti-racism training. ANNIE WELCOMES YOUR COMMENTS & QUESTIONS! Do you have questions regarding: relationships, living your best life, dealing with loss, mental health, etc.? Annie would love to hear them and may even include your questions/comments in a future column (published the fourth Sunday of each month, exclusively on OntarioNewsNorth.com) Post them below with a valid email address (your email address will not be visible to the public).

Annie Wenger-Nabigon, MSW, RSW

C.H.O.I.C.E. of Love

This is the month when many people are thinking about Valentine’s Day, the day we think of as a day to celebrate romantic love. I wrote about this last year and explored the concept of romantic love a bit, [CLICK HERE to read that Pathlight] so I’ll not repeat myself here, but I do want to say something about love being a choice. It is a myth that true romantic love expresses the reality of love. In actuality, the English word “love” is limited in what it can express. Many, many other languages have far deeper descriptions of love in their multiple words designating a whole range of meanings. I have yet to find a word that adequately expresses the concept of “love” as a “choice of action”. (If any of my readers know of such a word, please send it my way….I want to know more about that!)

Here is a way I use to keep in my mind what the reality of true love really is – a REAL C.H.O.I.C.E.:

C – constant, faithful, reliable
H – honest, hopeful, heartfelt
O – open, authentic, vulnerable
I – integrity, integrated into a whole life
C – conscious, thoughtful, unselfish
E – energetic, active, caring, generous

When I remember all these things, and work hard to stay conscious of how to apply them to my life, I can be filled with love. To be filled with love is to both FEEL and ACT. In fact, love is actually an action word, a verb denoting intention, not just a noun descriptive of emotion. Of course, when we are filled with the conscious choice of love as an action word, it follows that we will feel that heartfelt emotion of love, the expansive sensations that light up our life. We can’t act lovingly without benefitting from that action. When you make a C.H.O.I.C.E. to love, you focus your energy in ways that are intended to give generously to something greater than yourself. To love in this way means that you first of all know how to love yourself. It is impossible to find true love if you are so needy that you can think only of what you want others to give you, or if you only give to others so that you can get something in return. Genuine reciprocity (sharing) comes from healthy self-love first. Love for your Self means taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and socially. It means not putting poison chemicals (like alcohol, cocaine, meth, hallucinogens, etc.) into your body. It means eating good food, not junk food. It means getting good rest, having times to be quiet and alone, getting some physical exercise, being in nature, and hanging out with safe people who are respectful and kind. Love for your Self means you respect yourself and do not allow other people to verbally, mentally, physically or sexually use and abuse your body and mind. It means you know how to safe-guard your boundaries without hurting other people in any way. When you are able to make the powerful C.H.O.I.C.E. of love for self, you are ready to fully love others. When you are full of love – for you and others – you will discover that loving feelings fill your heart, loving thoughts fill your mind, forgiveness comes easily, generosity flows and abundance of all sorts comes to you. I have been so grateful lately for the abundance of beauty around us – the frozen waters, the snow, the light in the sky at sunrise and sunset, the beautiful Wawatay (Northern Lights), the bright stars on cloudless nights. The beauty of winter in the north is unequaled. At the same time, I cherish my warm home, my memories of hot sunshine, and the anticipation of spring and summer. I am full of love and hope! Surprised by generosity at every turn! So grateful for family and friends and opportunities to do the work I love.

May you find your life filled with the C.H.O.I.C.E. of love this final winter month!

Annie Wenger-Nabigon, MSW, RSW Pathlight@OntarioNewsNorth.com

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