Pathlight : YOUR Life Advice Column
Originally from the U.S., Annie earned her Canadian Citizenship in 2013. Annie & her Husband live in Pic River First Nation. Annie Wenger-Nabigon, MSW, RSW has been a cinical social worker since 1979 working in mental health, family therapy, and addictions services. She is a doctoral candidate at Laurentian University in Sudbury, ON. She works full-time as an Adult Mental Health and Addictions Therapist at the Marathon office of North of Superior Counseling Programs. Annie also works part-time as a consultant for LYNX, owned by her husband Herb Nabigon, MSW. Herb provides traditional Anishnabek teachings and healing workshops for both Native and non-Native organizations. Together he and Annie provide training and education to professionals on a wide range of topics blending mainstream and traditional approaches in healing. They also provide cultural safety and anti-racism training.
ANNIE WELCOMES YOUR COMMENTS & QUESTIONS! Do you have questions regarding: relationships, living your best life, dealing with loss, mental health, etc.? Annie would love to hear them and may even include your questions/comments in a future column (published the fourth Sunday of each month, exclusively on OntarioNewsNorth.com) Post them below with a valid email address (your email address will not be visible to the public).
s I sit watching the snow falling outside, and the wind blowing it in great gusts that hide the swaying spruce trees, I am so grateful for the life I have. In my life I have learned that loss is inevitable, but suffering is not. I can release suffering and grief by simply seeing what is true, real, and actual. Some people, places, experiences and things I will miss forever, and the grieving will come and go, but that does not keep me from loving the life I have now, it does not keep me stuck in suffering. It reminds me that winter comes, and goes, and comes again, and like Camus wrote, there is always the “invincible summer”!
Everyone has their own way of staying strong, but we all have the same need for recognition of our strength. Things can happen to anyone in life that will bring you to your knees, but the strength to get up again is deep inside. Even if a dozen other people are cheering you on and giving you a hand-up, if you can’t find the strength within yourself, then something else is required.
“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”
Author of Pathlight; Annie Wenger-Nabigon, MSW, RSW
What is that something else? How do we find the strength of an “invincible summer” within us when the cares of the world have us down on the ground and we can’t find our feet beneath us, and can’t gather the strength to rise up again? That is in large part both a mystery and a simple matter of self-will. It is both true and not-true at the same time which is the paradox of life – when we are at our weakest we are the strongest, when we have the greatest need we reach out in powerful ways to the healing presence of those who can help.
For some people, asking for help is a very difficult thing. I can remember a time in my life when I thought asking for help meant that I was not strong. I did not see a way possible to reach out for help because I felt too full of shame to acknowledge that I needed help. I had the good help of friends and family to show me a different way to look at what I needed and to understand that asking for, and getting, help was a strong demonstration of how valuable and worthy I truly was. I have been able to do things I never imagined I could do, all because I learned how to ask for help and how to find the strength within.
It is important to know that there are some things which will block a person from getting up again after being knocked down. No, it’s not the absence of money, good looks, education, etc. – it is the presence of poisonous thoughts! “Stinkin’ thinkin’” is a slogan I hear from time to time. It means that if we choose to hang on to ways of thinking that bring us down we will not find the strength within to find a way up again. If nine out of ten things happen which are undesirable and only one thing happens that I like, it is my choice if I focus on that one thing or the other nine. It is a strong person who can say amid the tears of suffering, “I choose to think only on that which is good.” It is not the negative stuff of life which defines the whole of life, any more than it is the positive stuff of life – it is all part of the whole and it is up to us to work on our attitude to keep it in balance. If that means reaching out to ask for help, by all means, do it. And love yourself doing it!
I read a humorous story once about a little boy who was given the task of shoveling manure out of a horse stall. The person who gave him this task came to check on him expecting to see an unhappy little boy, but found instead an energetic, cheerful, hardworking shoveler. When the man asked the little boy what he was so happy about the little boy replied, “I figure if there’s so much manure in here, there’s gotta be a pony somewhere!” That’s the attitude to have.
As we all prepare to end the year of 2013, let us resolve to have no regrets, no complaints, but instead let us focus on the things for which we are grateful, and look forward to what might be coming along. Expect to see the good! Despite the hard times, the down times, the times when I have “meltdowns” or feel discouraged, I choose to “remember my favorite things”. Not everything has to be super for me to be able to choose to focus on what truly is “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” – the simple little things of warm shelter, enough food, connections with family and friends, meaningful activities that I enjoy, my little dog, the beauty of nature around me, the magnificence of Lake Superior, and the freedom to make my own choices. That is what makes me strong.
Bon Voyage to 2013, and welcome to 2014 – the year that anything good can happen!!
Annie Wenger-Nabigon, MSW, RSW
Pathlight@OntarioNewsNorth.com
ANNIE RECOMMENDS:
- The Hollow Tree by Herb Nabigon
- EldersTeachings.blogspot.com
- Pathlight: Journey to a Good Life archives
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*Health themed columns found on OntarioNewsNorth.com provide general information about medical conditions and treatments. The information is not advice, and should not be treated as such. If you have any specific questions about any mental health or other medical matter, please consult your family physician, primary health care team or other professional healthcare provider.
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