PATHLIGHT: Journey to a Good Life — R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
FROM THE EDITOR: My sincere apologies to those who look forward to Annie’s PATHLIGHT issue every other Sunday, though this post was scheduled to publish Sunday for some reason it did not go live (this was NOT caused in any way by Annie who had actually provided it a week in advance). Hoping readers will see it as ‘better late than never’ – ENJOY!!
**MEET ANNIE: if you’d like to meet Annie in person she and her husband will be speaking at “A Family afFair” presented by the Manitouwadge Family Health Team May 4th, 2013 at the Manitouwadge Recreation Centre, keep watching OntarioNewsNorth.com for more information!
Originally from the U.S., Annie now enjoys retired life at Pic River First Nation. Annie Wenger-Nabigon, MSW, RSW has been a clinical social worker since 1979 working in mental health, family therapy, and addictions services. She is a doctoral candidate at Laurentian University in Sudbury, ON. Annie also works part-time as a consultant for LYNX, owned by her husband Herb Nabigon, MSW. Herb provides traditional Anishnabek teachings and healing workshops for both Native and non-Native organizations. Together he and Annie provide training and education to professionals on a wide range of topics blending mainstream and traditional approaches in healing. They also provide cultural safety and anti-racism training. Do you have questions re: mental health, living a good life, relationships, etc. ?Annie would love to hear them and may even include your questions in a future column (published by-monthly exclusively on OntarioNewsNorth.com) Send your comments or questions to Annie via email to Pathlight@OntarioNewsNorth.com
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Pathlight: Journey to the Good Life- R.E.S.P.E.C.T
Do you remember that wonderful song from the days of Motown? I can still hear it in my “mind’s ear” – R.E.S.P.E.C.T.! Aretha Franklin spelled it out in musical tones that everyone could understand and relate to. We could use a little of that respect these days – at home, at work, on the playground, in the classroom, in the neighborhood, in Parliament….the list goes on. Is there anyone out there who could honestly say they have never felt like asking for a little more respect?
What does it mean, that word “respect”? My husband, Herb, has a great way of explaining it. The Latin roots of the word come from “re”, meaning “again”, and “spect”, meaning “to look”; literally, it means to “look again”. I would add to that the ability to hear again, and think again. So many times humans react automatically to what they think they see, or think they hear, without checking it out. If I tell you a story about me and my experience, does that mean I am telling you something about myself or you? If you take what is said to you as a criticism, think again. It may simply be someone trying to share their own story with you. Check it out with them. You might be surprised to learn that they never imagined you took it the way you took it.
Respect means that we not only treat other people the way we would like to be treated – it means to treat other people the way they would like to be treated. It means putting ourselves in their shoes, using our amazing powers of imagination, and seeing the world through their eyes. It means to be aware of the impact that our behavior has on the people around us. When we think we are being funny and others experience our behavior as rude, have we been disrespectful? Is our explanation that we are joking just a way to slip away from being accountable for our insensitivity? We need to be careful that our words are real and that they accurately reflect what we intend. To play games and pretend is not a way to build respect.
On the other hand, many of us know what it is like to have our words and statements scrutinized doubtfully as if our intentions are suspect. To be accused of something we haven’t done, or haven’t intended, is painful. It feels like we are being disrespected, or accused of something that hasn’t happened. There aren’t many ways out of this conundrum. It is a dead end street. No healthy communication can thrive when there isn’t enough trust to know that respect is a given. To say it another way – no respect is possible when trust is not a given. The two go hand in hand.
What can we do when there has been a violation of trust? How do we restore respect when there is no foundation of trust, and how do we trust again when we have been wounded through disrespect? It is a long and arduous journey, and it often takes more than two people to make repairs. Whenever the “bully” gets away with disrespectful behavior, and no witnesses step forward to say, “That’s not OK!” the journey is harder. We need allies in building respect. We need other people to step up to the plate and lend a helping hand. We need someone to say, “Here is a better way. Listen! Look again! Show respect! Care!” We need this from the personal level to the political level, and from the home-front to the international scene.
Someone once said that there is only one way to make an apology and set things right. First, we take accountability and state what we did that was unacceptable or wrong. Second, we state our regret for that action or statement, and our intention to make things right. Third, we ask forgiveness, and are clear that we intend to never again do that thing. It’s the “One-Two-Three” program for rebuilding respect and trust after harm has been done.
To do that kind of good apology and make a beginning of rebuilding trust and respect, people have to be able to be quiet long enough to hear, still long enough to “look again”, strong long enough to tolerate discomfort, and brave long enough to change. We can all change for the better, and we need each other’s honest participation to be able to do that. Building R.E.S.P.E.C.T. doesn’t happen overnight, or in a vacuum, or by ourselves. It happens through healthy and honest connections with caring people. It takes time. It takes a vision of going in a good direction. It takes desire to make things better for ourselves and other people.
Imagine what the world would be like filled with the beautiful energy of respect. Anything we can imagine, we can create.
Annie Wenger-Nabigon, MSW, RSW
Pathlight@OntarioNewsNorth.com
ANNIE RECOMMENDS:
- The Hollow Tree by Herb Nabigon
- EldersTeachings.blogspot.com
- Pathlight: Journey to a Good Life archives
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*Health themed columns found on OntarioNewsNorth.com provide general information about medical conditions and treatments. The information is not advice, and should not be treated as such.
If you have any specific questions about any mental health or other medical matter, please consult your family physician, primary health care team or other professional healthcare provider. Opinions and information contained in any column on OntarioNewsNorth.com are not intended to replace medical advice from your doctor or other professional health care provider. If you feel you are suffering from a mental or physical health issue, you should seek medical attention immediately. The information shared in this column or anywhere on OntarioNewsNorth.com does not constitute medical advice nor should any person delay seeking, disregard or discontinue medical treatment because of information contained in PATHLIGHT: Journey to a Good Life or on OntarioNewsNorth.com.
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