Good Sunday to You!
I was blessed this morning to have the opportunity to attend a wonderful church service. I went to church alone, which is unusual for me, I cannot recall the last time I went to church without my children but they were of course in my thoughts and prayers as they are always. Emeraude slept at her Dad’s last night, he is layed off from work right now, has been for at least a week and I am thrilled for her that it seems he will now take advantage of that to get some time with her they would not have together were he working.
There was testimony at church this morning called “this is my story” which was awesome, beautiful to hear the story of how God had touched the women generous enough to share herself, her story with the congregation.
I very much enjoyed of course the hymns as well. This is always a special part of worship for me. I felt God in my heart and was grateful for Him. I very much needed the love He gave me this morning, having been dissapointed last night, having felt isolated in spite of not being alone after missing most of my neices celebration for no good reason in my opinion.
Daniel, Emeraude’s Dad, had brought both my children and my dog into the bush for a ‘truck picnic’ yesterday afternoon. This is something they have done a few afternoons in the past weeks and Emeraude absolutely loves it (Lloyd really enjoyed himself yesterday too, as I am certain Daniel did as well). My neice, goddaughter, was celebrating her birthday, having relatives over for cake at 18h and Daniel had been prompt getting the kids home, even helping me with my ‘gift’ as I had a big box I put some helium balloons in, tyeing her gift money to one of them (it was very tricky to try and get them in the box but loose enough that they would float up when it opened, this didn’t quite happen as expected but I think she enjoyed it anyways) and then wrapping it all up with plain package paper that we decorated with some markers and fancy ribbon. We went to my brother’s house but I was in a great deal of pain already and asked Daniel to pick me up in 45 minutes so I could go to the emerg and get an injection to go back and continue celebrating (cake, gifts and good company 🙂 ).
It was nice to be with everyone. We don’t often get to all get together and for me it times out even less often that I can participate. It’s been a long time since I was around for something like this, with all of my family and it was wonderful to be there, enjoying them, enjoying watching the kids interact with each other. The birthday girl’s sister made a delicious cake. Emeraude was a little shy at first but that didn’t last long. My brother (and his family) has a couple cats that Emeraude was having a lot of fun with. His daughter has made them a super cool ‘catland’ (not sure what to call it) out of boxes among other things, I loved that Emeraude could see she isn’t the only one who makes cool recycle crafts.
Anyways, 6h45 Daniel picked me up, once at the hospital I told him there was a standing order and knowing I had left Emeraude back at my brother’s and was hoping to get right back he scooped me out of the truck, helped me into a wheelchair and was quickly bringing me into where the RPN registered me, this was 18h55 (on their clock). I let her know right away that I was in a lot of pain. I was registered, and Daniel pushed me through to the room where I would wait. She returned almost immediately, as the hand of the clock had it just reaching 19h, to tell me “They are just going in to report, it’ll just be a few minutes”.
I tried to stay calm, there was NO ONE else in emerg, I had arrived BEFORE 7, and now I was not even going to be asked how much pain I was in before deciding it was no big deal for me to wait? I figured it must be an extra short ‘report’ right, or they wouldn’t have me waiting when I arrived before they even went in?
Now, I do feel I should in all fairness include the fact that the nurses work twelve hour shifts. So they had at this point already put in a full day of work of course. But if shifts are too long, that is a work problem, not something I have done to anyone.
So, we wait. and wait. 19h15. wait somemore, Daniel asks if he should go back to get Emeraude. 19h20. I have been waiting to use the bathroom, since I was told it would ‘just be a few minutes’ and did not want to miss the nurse or make her wait. 19h30 Daniel asks if I intend to return to the house or was the party done? I hurt. my legs feel like they are being crushed and I still need to pee so I ring the bell to see if I’ve been forgotten. Now I’ve waited in the emerg in Thunder Bay before, I realize that in a city you can wait hours but we are NOT in the city, there is no one else in the emerg AND the doctor left a standing order so why am I sitting with my pain getting worse? I think I have also explained that often, especially at night, the longer I wait, the worse the pain gets and then the more meds are required to alleviate that pain but since the standing order will not be changed why is the risk being taken of letting my pain increase needlessly?? The RPN comes to answer the bell and I ask if there I have been forgotten, she says that “it shouldn’t be much longer” and I realize that I can go pee, no one is on their way anyways. 19h45 wait. 20h. It is now eight o’clock, and I am in so much pain AND very discouraged. I have had a long winter, january, february, march were very long. My steroids finally worked at the end of march and I was ‘well’ for a few weeks thank the Lord but I did not go to the camp with my kids this winter. My brothers and their families went for Easter, I could not bring my own kids not wanting to risk wearing myself out. while typing I have quickly tried to remember, the last time my kids and I were with my whole family was last spring. 20h15 I’ve received the injection, Daniel pushes me out and we return to the house.
Lloyd was gone. My parents were leaving. Emeraude had a lot of fun and was on her way outside with her cousins. I missed it. Everyone is now dispersing. I don’t bother to explain, it doesn’t matter. The moment is passed. I have missed it. Daniel was great, he helped as much as he could. He ended up staying to social. I followed the kids out and watched them play for some time.
Thank you Lord for the hymns this morning. I needed them. I was still sad about what I had missed out on. Trying to not hold anger about it. Having been in pain didn’t even matter anymore. Having lost the moment that I very much needed was so much bigger than the pain I had felt. The injection never did work out either. I almost knew this would be the case when she gave it to me just from how deep in my bones the hurt was at that point. It was midnight last night before I think I finally fell asleep, crying, hurting.
I am quite certain that whomever made the decision that I could wait probably wouldn’t have chosen the same if I had been a friend or family or even maybe someone with whom they were less ‘familiar’…
Oh well, today’s hospital visits went well in spite of only the 1st injection being adequate; the 2nd was not very effective, I was still stuck in bed for most of the day and the last, well, I’m still hoping it will kick in and give me a bit of relief. But what made the trips go well was a great nurse, someone I am always grateful to see if I have to go in…
The nurse working is a lady who is really quite amazing (not just my opinion, anyone who has to go to the emerg more than once and knows of her, feels relief when walking in and seeing her!). Although I had less than ideal timing this morning before church, the ER was busy, others coming in at the same time as me who needed attention/care (I am blessed that I am not going in for life risking issues, many people are not so lucky) but somehow the nurse in charge still managed to get me in, taken care of and out before my taxi even needed to go on another call (I also had a very nice cab driver who was patiently waiting). It’s not just that she is so prompt or efficient though. This nurse just has a way about her. She is ultra-professional but still warm and caring. Always knows what to say. Always makes you feel better (at least mentally since physically is often not possible) for having had the chance to speak with her a bit. Whoever her friends are certainly are blessed to know her!
In the 3+ yrs since being diagnosed with MS she has always surpassed what I could expect for in the way of care/treatment when she was there. When anyone like my parents or friends might be with me and they see she is working they know everything will be ok. This is so nice, just to know there is nothing to remember, that the nurse has it all under control and will do everything she can to care for you in the best possible way. I thank God for her often!
